I’m becoming domesticated. I feel like that first awkward wild sheep which got shooed into the first bamboo pen that was built by the first human, who decided hunting was stupid, since you could keep them wild sheep behind fences and eat mutton murtabak anytime of the day.
Today is my second day off this week, I didn’t go out again, my skin didn’t so much kiss a ray of Sunlight. I spent the day cleaning up my room, the kitchen, looked up recipes for Garlic Butter Chicken, listening to Korean language clips. The quintessential House-Husband. But hey, when in Rome… In this case, it’s the Land of a Million Channels, so actually, I spent most of the time watching the tube.
Not surprisingly, the average American catches 4 hours of TV a day, which makes me wonder how they can manage to even have time to procreate, sleep, work, poop, shower, eat junk food AND drink beer in one day.
24 hrs – 4 hrs = 20 hrs left to (procreate, sleep, work, poop, shower, junk food, beer, youtube)
Assuming a normal 8 hr workday:
20 – 8 = 12 hrs left to (procreate, sleep, poop, shower, junk food, beer, youtube)
Since optimal sleep is universally-accepted as 8hrs, and I think Americans do that their sleep seriously:
12 – 8 = 4 hrs left to (procreate, poop, shower, junk food, beer, youtube)
Let’s give those pizza delivery men credit, say they deliver pizzas at 15 mins per order, and the average (hungry) American devours pie and guzzles beer in a comfortable time of 45 mins:
4 hrs – 1 hr = 3 hrs left to (procreate, poop, shower, youtube)
The average person visits the washroom 6-8 times a day, assuming they DO take time to wash their hands and zip their fly after they complete their business, it’ll take 10 mins each trip, which amounts to 80 mins. Let’s give them 30 minutes to shower, shave their chest/armpits, apply Rogaine or Brylcreem and brush their teeth.
3 hrs – 2 hrs = 1 hr left to (procreate, youtube)
We ALL know youtube lags like crap, so you’ll probably take 30 mins just to view the video of the latest fool set his hair on fire using only a peanut, a used condom and a chainsaw.
1 hr – 1/2 hr = 1/2 hr
1/2 an hour to hump someone? That’s really not very conducive issit. And foreplay? Probably skipped it altogether, just rip everything and mash them together. Kinda like papier-marche if you think about it. Perhaps they could do it while watching the guy set his hair on fire, could satisfy some weird little kinks eh.
Bottomline: Watch less TV or suffer from bad sex life to the tune of this clip.
chew my cud
